Journalists commit to lie reporting Presidential news to keep up with President’s lies

WASHINGTON, D.C.— The credibility gap created by President Trump has so irked journalists on both sides of the aisle that many reporters, bloggers and editors of news outlets have decided to do battle by fighting fire with fire—in other words fighting lies with lies.

“We the press feel that if the President can say things only he thinks are true, so can we,” said Biff Barkenstuff, journalist. “Starting now, a group of us reporters are going to file stories and make stuff up.”

“The President says we make up stuff anyway,” says reporter Trisha Derconey, “so we may as well make up stuff and add it to reports about him.”

This, according to the journalists involved, will include misquoting the President.

“The other day,” said another reporter, “the President said, ‘I’m a very instinctual person, but my instinct turns out to be right.’ We are going to use it and make up stuff around it.”

That story turned out to have the following text:

President Trump said in an interview that he is “a very instinctual person, but my instinct turns out to be right.”

While the President said that, he took off one of his shoes and lifted his foot to his nose and sniffed. Before this interview, we had no idea that the President took time to inhale his own feet. We asked him about it.

“I like to smell my own feet,” he said, “especially during interviews.”

“Why?”

“Because I am the President. I was elected and I won. So, I can smell my own foot or feet or whatever whenever I please. And you know what?”

“What?”

“My feet always smell tremendous, even when I have walked around in shoes all day, sometimes more hours than most people walk around in shoes. And by the way, I have the best shoes ever made.”

That article is filled with lies but it sounds real, agree the many reporters, bloggers and editors of news outlets that have decided to do battle by fighting lies with lies. They acquiesce that this is the only way to report this President and that it may stop him from his quirky sense of truth.

“There are no limits this group cares to make,” said Professor Ivan Sokofski, a professor who studies political reporting and teaches it in his garage, “because they feel there is no way to combat the President’s untrue statements. This is highly new to the office of President, though an historian once wrote that President Andrew Johnson once told a reporter that he lived on the planet Jupiter for a month each summer.”

Some recent headlines of stories about the President don’t even forecast that the text to follow has any relevance to what the President said or did. Here are some recent headlines as examples:

PRESIDENT TRUMP TO VISIT INDIA, WANTS TO VISIT THEIR BEST STEAKHOUSE

RUSSIANS DENY HAVING TROOPS IN UKRAINE; PRESIDENT TRUMP AGREES AND SAYS THERE ARE NO RUSSIAN TROOPS IN ARGENTINA, EITHER

WHITE HOUSE BOWLING LANES ARE RIGGED, SAYS PRESIDENT

WASHINGTON BASEBALL TEAM WILL CHANGE ITS NAME TO THE WASHINGTON TRUMPS

… and so on.

“This will make all journalism a mockery,” said a Trump supporter we asked about the lie versus lie fight. “Here we have the best President of all time, and he admits that, and people want to lie about him. What ever happened to wanting Americans to feel proud as punch? Whatever happened to punch? No one wants that anymore either.”

“I don’t mind the President’s lies,” said Brevard Slice, who blogs about Trump hourly on his website that he supports with unemployment-insurance money. “All Presidents of the United States lied. One or two Presidents lied about being President and lied about what the President does and all that stuff. Those Presidents—and I don’t have the evidence of which ones—all died horrible deaths.”

A recent Time Magazine interview with President Trump further fueled the new group’s plan.

“We read that and we knew we are on the right track,” says a member of the group. “That is no lie but we have a batch of stories related to the latest actions of the President and Congress and legislation and FBI investigations and Russia and just about everything Trump, using his lies and our lies. This is going to change the face of journalism. No lie.”

Separating the lies from the truths may become a national sport during the Trump administration. Political Pulp will continually cover all of the lies and truths and contribute to both.

Newt Gingrich was unavailable for comment.

 

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Frank’s novella, ‘Sweet Shepherd’ is now available in e-book format at Amazon.

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