Reports of Vatican ‘wiretapping’ from surreptitious sources put pall on two Popes

WASHINGTON, D.C.— Unrevealed sources close to reporters serving at the pleasure of investigative journalists’ undercover bureau chiefs are alleging that surveillance of the Vatican possibly puts Pope Francis’ election to the papal position under scrutiny.

In this shocking near-revelation that is still an unverified situation, the notion is that Pope Francis’ private residence and the residence of the former Pope, who still lives in the Vatican, was infiltrated with cutting-edge spying equipment that recorded audio of major Vatican figures, before Pope Francis was given the papal honors.

Trickling from the secret sources fueling this blockbuster report, a member of a friend of someone working at MI6, Britain’s secret intelligence service, are indications that Pope Benedict XVI had “connections with the cardinal elector” in the papal conclave that elected Pope Francis.

“This could mean that for the first time in history a Pope was not elected but selected,” said an Italian blogger who reports news and opinions on Vatican happenings but never uses his real name, “and of course, that could mean the Russians are involved.”

Someone involved who would not identify his or herself but claimed to know things that others did not about the allegation said, “This is obvious part of a conspiracy to find out how the Vatican gets in touch with the Almighty, which tools it uses to do so and what language it employs while directly communicating with God.”

Richard Skeleton, who uses that name when writing about the Vatican, heard of the report and wrote on his blog that “this could have happened and if it did happen it happened with the help of a mole, a Catholic mole, someone who works in Vatican City and who may have an idea that Pope Benedict was assist in the coup.”

Calling it a “coup” would mean a massive revolt of the centuries-old organization that has operated the Catholic Church from Vatican City.

“This could go as deep as deep can go,” said Vatican City talk-show host Rusho Limbarto on his broadcast just after the allegations were made. “Whosoever can penetrate how the Pope communicates with the Almighty would get information that could affect the entire world. The far left has some answering to do if any of this is true because if it is true, they did it, for sure, you can count on that.”

Reporters trying to get to Pope Francis to ask how he felt about the report did not reach him. The Pope was out of town on a mission of mercy. Former Pope Benedict would not answer his phone or make a public statement. Of course he rarely answers his phone, anyway.

And there were no tweets on Pope Frances’ Twitter account that indicated he knew about the report.

“We looked everywhere,” said Rico Miserable, a member of the Vatican City security team, “and found nothing. No wires, no electronic equipment in the walls. Nothing in the lamps or behind the mirrors. Nothing under the thick rugs or in the private bathroom showerhead or medicine cabinet. Nothing anywhere.”

The originators of the report said that the “wiretaps” revealed conversations between Benedict and Cardinals that revealed Francis, as a papal candidate, had been to the Woodstock rock festival and who had requested an autograph from Neil Armstrong, first man on the moon, when Armstrong returned to Earth.

“The Russians could have done this,” said a surveillance specialist. “What is worse, of course, is if it was Spectre.” He referred to the fictional criminal organization from the James Bond novels. “It’s possible that it was a rogue organization’s doing, some company testing new hardware or software and maybe in their underwear. It’s impossible to tell.”

No further information on the alleged invasion of privacy at the Vatican has come to the attention of the media. In fact, the original report is being underplayed by the media, mostly due to their liberal, judgmental attitudes about religion, according to Indigo Malaysia, a former priest now Checkers champion of Iowa.

“Finally,” Malaysia says, “there comes a story, albeit probably false, about an attack on faithful people and the press wants nothing to do with it. Imagine if it was the other way around? Then you would hear noise.”

Newt Gingrich was unavailable for comment.

 

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