PARIS, France—The recent Presidential election in France is over, setting up another international conflict between nationalists and globalists. This time the global-centrist group won, electing Emmanuel Macron by a wide margin.
“We like to call it a landmine,” wrote French blogger Pierre Pasolini, who could not translate “landslide” in French but knew that what he said meant it equaled a wide margin.
“The polls that predicted Le Pen would win were wrong and the ones that put more of the votes on Macron’s total were correct,” he said at the rally after Macron’s victory speech where red and white wine was being chugged from flasks that liberals who voted for Macron carried on their persons.
The world was watching the election closely to see if the trend of nationalistic administrations would continue, since Le Pen was much the Trump-type candidate, calling for immigration bans and other policies that were distinctly French-for-France’s sake.
“It was more intense with Le Pen,” said Willobury Pique, a right-wing strategist who voraciously campaigned for Le Pen. “She would have brought berets back to the stature where they belong, as a part of the country’s character, so that people all over the world would stop and say, ‘Hey, that person much be French if that person is wearing a beret.’”
Icabod Cabot is an Englishman who moved to France some years ago to make croissants. “It was a great move,” Cabot said, “because England was a poor place to attempt making a living selling croissants. Then, it was worse when the country passed Brexit. That nailed scones as a national cookie over any croissants.”
Anger after the results were announced, the hard-right Le Pen voters were not happy. Jules Renard, who gave up a lot to campaign for Le Pen said he was so sour when Macron lost that he “went home and put my fist through a plate-glass window, causing deep cuts, like the ones the population of France will have while this kid is president.”
Indeed, Macron is only 39, the youngest president since Napoleon.
“I also punched two of my older sons in the nose,” Renard said, “and that barely relieved me. I feel I will be breaking things for the next five years.”
Hard-left journalist Diego Dupasse wrote, “The angst of the losers indicates that Macron’s rule will be showered with name-calling, street protests and the tossing of rotten fruit. The conservatives are not expected to get over this and will stay hard-pressed to win the presidency back because they are like children; when they don’t get their way they scream and do ugly things in their underwear.”
“Mademoiselle Le Pen should have hired Kelly Ann Conway,” said disgruntled right-wing French nationalist Jean-Jean Sarquette. “That girl got Trump elected no matter what she said. But no one had the guts to stand up and tell Le Pen she needed that kind of help, whatever in the hell that kind of help is, because these days that kind of help helps.”
The forces that emboldened Macron include Georges Millaneux, a 60-year-old writer who is trying to break into the philosophy business. Millaneux has written pamphlets and has a Twitter account that he uses to get attention. “I saw that the Macron campaign meant we must take sides,” Millaneux said, “so I took a side and wham, it was the winning side. This can only provoke my stature as a philosopher because it is the majority. The majority is larger than the minority and you reach more people with them. Macron is the key to all of us who want to attain a stature, a position, a positional stature and have our voices heard. Soon I will reach more people than ever and I will officially be known as a philosopher. So, you see, already, Macron has assisted in making dreams come true.”
Right-wing blogger Cistine Chappelle, on the day after the election, wrote: “He is too young. He still watches the Sponge Bob. How is he going to rule a nation if his breakfasts are spiked with more sugar than Cuban cubes? France is now in the hands of a child, hands that are smaller than President Trump’s hands. Macron is a child that is not a father of the man, he is a child of a man who is older and wiser. Macron has crayons in his desk. Macron owns hand puppets. It is outrageous, it is sad.”
How Macron governs remains to be seen but what is sure now is that the division between those who want their nation first and those that want their nation a part of the world is as deep as those who look to the future with hope and those who still watch the Sponge Bob.
Newt Gingrich was not available for comments.
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