Another President Johnson? Dwayne doesn’t rule out run to ‘Rock’ the White House

LOS ANGELES, Calif. —He was known as “The Rock” in professional wrestling and he is now the highest paid actor in movies. Recently, Dwayne Johnson saw his future with one more possibility—a U.S. Presidential candidacy.

“Why not?” said a Wisconsin head of a Johnson fan club. “We had an actor before and now we got a reality-TV-star-businessman become President. Plus we had generals and bald guys and guys with huge bodies who were slobs and stuff, so why not a muscular actor-athlete movie star?”

Red Stellenrazor, a social-culture expert, said, “The paradigm for President has changed with one man—Trump. Now anyone without experience can go right to the top. And after all, that is how Dwayne Johnson became so popular in movies, right? He had no experience as an actor, really, and he catapulted to riches.”

Johnson did not endorse anyone in the 2016 campaign. But, the 45-year-old muscleman said that a run for office is not off the table but a “possibility.”

Johnson hasn’t made specific critiques of President Trump but he did say he would lead with policies of inclusion and acceptance and not be negative.

“Yeah,” said a movie critic from a local Wyoming newspaper that now only publishes two issues a month in a slim, pamphlet-like format, “what Dwayne means—and I can call him by his first name because I interviewed him during a junket where sixty of us film critics were allowed to ask questions and write down the answers—is that he will kick major A as President in a way that makes everyone happy, brings people together and so no one will be hungry anymore no matter who they voted for, you know?”

Johnson told ABC News that were he President, “poise would be important” and so would leadership. He said there is a large number of people in the U.S. disagreeing with things and he would look into that to “understand it” and talk about it.

Mary Residue, who has followed Johnson’s career since she began writing for her school newspaper and now blogs on a website she titles “Rock Rules,” said, “He would be so much more cool than the last President Johnson. Wasn’t his name Dwayne, too? No, it was Larry or something like that. Anyway, The Rock could lift that huge wooden desk in the Round Office, I bet. What a speech to the people that would be. Rock rules!”

No politicians have gone on the record to take Johnson seriously. One congressman who spoke under condition of anonymity, also disguised at the time with remnants of makeup once designed by Rick Baker, said, “It’s ridiculous to think this guy, this half-baked actor who is bound to fall as a popular movie star as quickly as he rose, is going to appeal to a majority of the public or at least a minority of the public that can produce enough Electoral votes to squeeze in a win. Really, have you seen that scorpion king movie with this guy? Blah.”

Gregory Gregory, who swears his parents gave him a first name to match his last name to get attention, is writing a biography of Dwayne Johnson, starting from birth and going through to the time when the book has at least 300 pages. He said, “It would be so healthy to have The Rock as President. For one, Dwayne believes in exercise, not like the current President who has some cockamamie idea about being born with a battery that runs out. That’s so crazy, outer space-type stuff. Dwayne knows what exercise contributes to health, I mean look at him, does that look like a battery about to wear out? People everywhere would be healthy following his example. A battery that wears out? Is that in the Bible? Or is it in some cheap science-fiction movie that the President digs?”

“Rock rules!” shouted Mary Residue again.

It was rumored in the past that movie-star George Clooney was grooming himself for a major political run but it was thought that would be a gubernatorial candidacy. When asked about Johnson going for a lesser position than President as a first shot with politics, someone said to be close to Johnson said, “Is that a trick question because you think Mr. Johnson doesn’t know what goober natoryal [sic] means?”

Still, speculators are way ahead of the possibilities, revealing who they think would run with Johnson.

“Gene Simmons from KISS could be on the list,” said Rock ‘N Roll expert Duluth Siataka. “Big star and reality-show specialist on his own, Gene may be the perfect running mate.”

“Clare Danes is my prediction,” said Emo Fadeaway, who claims to be a specialist in celebrities becoming politicians. “She has been great in that TV show about homeland security and she ain’t nearly as rickety as Hillary.”

“I hate Tucker Carlson,” said a man who claims to have grown up with Johnson. “I’m sorry, what was the question?”

All speculators, of course, assume that Johnson would run for the Democratic nomination and pit himself against Trump, who is still likely to run for a second term.

Liberal blogger E.K. Ekay wrote that Johnson has no choice. “He can’t run as an independent,” wrote Ekay, “because he couldn’t win. But as a Democrat, history has told us he can win. After all, there have been many Democrat Presidents.”

Johnson continues to accumulate tons of money as a movie star as the speculation about his change in professions continues. The first poll taken on the subject has Johnson defeating Trump 43/37.

Newt Gingrich was not available for comments.

 

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