Proponents push gigantic project to build a wall around all American borders

SANTA FE, N.M. — As the funding for President Trump’s wall across the border of the U.S. and Mexico continues to find sources, a growing group of people are pushing for a bigger, longer, more inclusive wall, one that would literally be built along the borders of the entire country.

“No one gets in or out illegally,” says Pelvis Cantaroy, one of the project’s backers. “We make a big mistake thinking that hoodlums only get into America from Mexico. They come in from everywhere, over the border in the north and the east and west borders of the oceans.”

Cataroy has created a group from all walks of life who believe a wall along all borders of the U.S. should be the goal of a country “swamped with the filth of the outside world that comes to the U.S. to suck the resources of our public dry.”

Gene DeRaggy, a blogger whose audience is mainly, if not all, strictly Conservative, writes: “There is a point to be made in what Cataroy’s group calls the ‘All-Wall Warriors.’ If a wall is built only on the Mexican border, the bad people who cannot climb it or dig under it will just find their way around the country to where there is no wall and they will walk in freely to do their dirty business.”

Cataroy is devoting his entire life to the All-Wall Warrior group. His wife, Mrs. Cataroy, says, “Gene quit his job as a buttonhole puncher to take up this cause and although his two sons are very hungry, we think that is not because Gene isn’t working but because illegal immigrants are getting fat on the food that should belong to citizens of this country.”

Jim Stax, who joined the All-Wall Warriors recently and says he would use his own hammers to help construct part of it (because, he says, he cannot build the entire wall himself, no less with only his hammers), is “gung ho” for seeing the project to its result. “I don’t even know where the term ‘gung ho’ came from but I know it means that I have the energy to work and inspire others to make this happen.”

The All-Wall Warriors group is growing rapidly. Cataroy claims it doubled over the past four months. “We began with two members and went to four,” he says. “That’s over a one-hundred percent growth rate. I know four other people who want to come in which will mean we grew two hundred percent. How do you stop a movement like that?”

Justin McMuffin, a new member that wants to spread the word to wealthy prospective contributors, says, “We look at this in other ways, too. Like jobs. Imagine the jobs created by building a structure that covers every inch of borderline? More than half the nation will be given jobs and that is about eighty percent of the population.”

A Republican strategist from the east coast who spoke to us under the condition that we not reveal his name, height, race or creed, says, “This bigger wall that is being recommended would cost so much money that there would be little left in the country for criminals to steal, thus making them not want to come here illegally to take advantage of us.”

How much would such a wall cost?

“In current-value dollars,” says lightly respected economist D. Walter Fredbarge, “about sixty zillion. But it depends upon the cost of the materials and the cost of the labor.”

Gorden Goldenrod, who wrote the book “Beethoven was Bald,” which explores a myth that the city of Vienna worked to ban classical musicians by building a soundproof wall around the city, says, “In today’s sophisticated technical atmosphere there could be a wall that doesn’t cost so much and still keeps out the riff-raff.”

Elison Binary, a human activist, says that Goldenrod doesn’t know anything about riff-raff. “I am sick and tired of people using that term to describe criminals. Any linguistic major will tell you that the riff in riff raff is an adjective for the noun ‘raff’ and has nothing to do with crime.”

No word from the White House about expanding the President’s wall policy has been announced.

“We sent letters to the President,” says Rick Sprint, who is the newest All-Wall Warriors member and is handling communications about the group to important political and business figures, “but we haven’t heard from him. We know he’s busy but hell, this is the single most important project ever to be suggested in America and we want to get started so people can get back to work, all sorts of people. Any profession can be taught to help build the wall. Even out-of-work proctologists and barbers or toothbrush salesmen or elevator operators or opera singers or people with Sickle Cell disease or first-stage cancer patients or sewer mechanics or parachute packers, I mean anyone. Even journalists.”

Rake Garden, a liberal spokesperson who blogs for a wide variety of liberal readers who pay him to “fight the Right,” says, “I have heard some harebrain ideas in my times but this wall-around-America thing has got to be the craziest notion since that idea to give all citizens an eyedropper so they could stop droughts with their own saliva. The All-Wall Warriors won’t get enough money to build a closet in Cleveland, no less a wall around America. And another thing—I hate Tucker Carlson.”

Newt Gingrich was not available for comments.

 

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Frank’s novella, ‘Sweet Shepherd’ is now available in e-book format at Amazon.

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