Exclusive: U.S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is a robot, according to A.I. specialists

WASHINGTON, D.C. — It’s an outrageous theory, as easily as it could be confirmed, but a few so-called “artificial intelligence” (AI) experts claim that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is a robot.

“We have been studying Rex a long time,” says Sam Sinicule, one of the authors of the robot theory. “Even before he became the CEO of Exxon-Mobile he showed explicit signs of robotic behavior. No one was watching back then but Francis [Caligraphy, the co-author of the theory] and I studied films, videos, still photos and live appearances which convinced us he is not a human.”

Sinicule and Caligraphy claim a number of pieces of evidence to support their theory. First, there is Tillerson’s lack of movement and facial expressions, as well as his silence in public.

“One of the toughest human characteristics to imitate,” says Sinicule, “is the complex muscle functions that create face motion, no less having it work in league with audible language.”

“Tillerson,” says Caligraphy, “does not animate his face when speaking and his speech on its own sounds like a digital replica of a human voice.”

His name, they say, is also a clue.

“His name is Rex,” said Sinicule. “It is a name that indicates non-humanity. “It’s more of a nickname and although it tends to mean ‘king’ it also can mean ‘droid,’ which we all know is another word for robot.”

“We have studied other so-called humans with the name Rex and have found peculiar similarities in their lack of humanity,” says Caligraphy.

AI author Pinson Vinson finds the theory half-baked. “The Rex name is no proof at all that the Secretary of State is a robot. The other claims do have some merit, however, because there have been experiments with collectively programmed robots that indicate science is close to manufacturing the kind of machine it would take to be a Secretary of State.”

Winston Ballgrabba, an AI critic, feels there is nothing robotic about Rex Tillerson. “My parents,” Ballgrabba says, “were motionless most of their lives. Once, I did not see them move for a month. Lack of motion is not always evidence one is a robot or a marionette or a statue. Some people just stay still a lot.”

Political analyst Frederick Von Kickstarter says the best evidence that Tillerson is a robot is his boss. “President Trump would want a robot for a Secretary of State because a robot wouldn’t ask questions about orders or policies. A robot would be programmed to serve its operator. Tillerson fits the role. We should look deeply into the possibility that Steve Bannon is a robot, too.”

Could there be robots that are so sophisticated that they consistently get away with imitating a human in public?

Sinicule says that not only is it possible but it has happened before. “Robot technology is so far advanced that people don’t realize it was perfected decades ago. Francis and I, for instance, firmly believe that President Herbert Hoover was a robot.”

The ramifications of having a robot as a Secretary of State are unknown. Some say it is unconstitutional and other say it means nothing and has no constitutional basis.

“Our forefathers were vague, at the least, about robots in office,” says Professor Boston “Biggy” Tamilane, who claims to be an expert in U.S. Constitution interpretation. “In those days people like Thomas Jefferson were wary about strange happenings in Europe, where there were dark stories about what we now call robots working in governments. Benjamin Franklin actually built a robot and used it in an early experiment with electricity. However, the damned thing was struck by lightning and burned up from head to toe.”

Congress vetted and approved Rex Tillerson with no questioning about his humanity. One senator, who refused to identify himself in print as a source and to this day swears he had nothing to do with any law using the word “repeal,” says, “I noticed that Rex Tillerson’s mouth moved up and down when he spoke during the hearings and I said to myself that he looks like a puppet when he talks. But that was hardly enough for me to vote against him.”

Conspiracy theorist Sally Scully says she thinks Sam and Francis’ theory is just the tip of the iceberg.

“What if the whole cabinet is filled with robots? Maybe they are recreations of people that actually existed but now they are replicas? Think about it, we are talking about artificial intelligence, not genuine intelligence and that alone could be the crux of it because, well, look at Ben Carson, can he be considered intelligent at all? Maybe a robot has replaced the real Ben Carson, the brain surgeon. You have to admit it is possible. All you have to do is watch the guy and listen to what he says. This whole thing is disturbing And another thing—I hate Tucker Carlson.”

Newt Gingrich was not available for comments.

 

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One Response to "Exclusive: U.S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is a robot, according to A.I. specialists"

  1. david mccormick  June 3, 2017 at 2:12 pm

    Ben Carson is still looking for his luggage, in case you didn’t know. Give him a break.

    Reply

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